Joys of 2022

 1. I plucked a starfruit from the tree at the porch. As I pulled the fruit, the remaining rain drops on the leaves, came splashing on me. First time it happened to me. Nice surprise. Great Joy! (1st Jan)

2. I won 125 coins from Shoppee Farm. The most I have gotten from a harvest. (1st Jan) 

3. Start watching Hospital Playlist at 7:30am, WORQ sent out message that there is free breakfast at 8am. Good spread of nasi lemak + egg sandwiches. Nothing like free breakfast to brighten up the day. (6th Jan)

4. Pusat Bandar Damansara MRT station was closed. I managed to book Grab driver almost immediately. Traffic was also smooth to office. Still reached office by 7:30am. (7th Jan)

5. I took a walk in the evening and bought a matcha sofuto from Family Mart. Weirdly I was craving for it although Matcha is not my favourite. I finished the ice cream on the way back. (17th Jan)

6. My husband was stuck in a meeting. It was raining. I was trying to get home on the lrt when my husband reminded me that I didn't have the house keys with me. I had to trouble the tuition teacher to send Wei home. Shan was also the last to go. When we were finally eating dinner at Soon Kee, close to 9pm, I was just relieved that my family is together again. Even my girls' squabbles didn't sound irritating. Plus the book I ordered back in August finally arrived! (19th Jan)

7. When I was on the way to pick Wei from tuition in the evening, a lil girl on the motorbike lift up both her hands as though she was flying. I smiled knowing the feeling of breeze on your face is liberating. Then when I was stuck in traffic, I looked at the side mirror which reflected a great clump of fluffy clouds in the sky, the sight was very nice and I was awed. (8th Feb)

8. Reiley singing : 我只想要一只冰吨吨... (11th Feb) 

9. I went to the park for a morning walk this morning. Was planning to buy Nasi Lemak Bob, but he was not there. It was still an enjoyable walk. First time walking in the park in the morning. It was a nice and relaxing walk. Will try to go again. (21st Feb)

10. Conversations in the car :
“葳啊，今年你毕业，要不要送东西给老师？”
“送菜刀” (She answered this calmly without looking away from the car window)
"Do you know if you give your teacher that, she can report polis?"
"那送小刀”
果然没从医院抱错宝宝回家 :) (21st Feb)

11. I looked up and saw many tiny fruits growing on the starfruit tree in my porch. So cute! I have always wanted to see fruits growing on trees. Now I have one of my own 😊 (28th Feb) 

12. We spent 4D3N in Cameron Highlands. The 2nd day at the flora Park I was busy solving work issues. The 253 steps to the glass house nearly broke me. It was still a nice trip for our family after 2 years of pandemic. I enjoyed just lazying at the airbnb without worrying about the next meal and my loved ones were all near me. I spent some time walking at the pasar malam alone which was peaceful and liberating. I figured it was good to spend time alone while having some people waiting for you to come back. (28th April - 1st May) 

13. My hubby and I went to Fatty mee hoon kueh for breakfast. While we waited in line, we ate fried prawn fritters, popiah and goreng pisang together. It was raining slightly. I looked at the cinema turned coffeeshop across the road then I looked up at the gloomy sky. It was peaceful and nice. Grateful for the quiet time with my hubby. (3rd May) 

14. My hubby and I and Wei went to the Food Expo at Sunway Pyramid today. There weren't as many booths as I exoected. Still for someone who loves variety and food testing, it was a slice of heaven😍I tasted items ranging from popcorn to garlic chili sauce and orange elderflower drink to some greenish oat probiotics drink. I enjoyed myself. After that we had lunch at鼎泰风，we had the酸辣汤that I love. After that Wei and I discovered Chateraise, a Japanese bakery. They have some pastries imported directly from Japan. Bought a fresh chocolate puff and red bean daifuku. Hats off to Sunway Pyramid for the great selection of f&b👍 (16th May) 

14. I was looking for my other sock on the bed but couldn't find it. I was about to.go to sleep wearing one sock when Reiley came in.and said : here's your sock. Surprised I said; why thanks, where did you find it? She chuckled : I was wearing it. (14th July)

15. Found a new breakfast place during my morning walk around the office. Hawker Hall at Menara KLK. Food was ok. Finding a new place for breakfast is always a joy 😊 (15th July)

16. After I finished my morning walk at the park, I received free nasi beriyani and sandwich from 慈济. They were distributing free breakfast in the park to promote vegetarian food. There is even pomegranate in the coleslaw sald. 小贴心😍 I was contemplating if I should go have breakfast after the walk. So lucky and so thankful (23rd July) 

17. I practised calligraphy tonight. It helped to calm me down. I finished feeling more relaxed. Wei and Shan wrote something too. I felt Wei has the talent for it. (1st August) 

18. We went for our first overseas trip to Seoul after the pandemic. I could have seen more places on my own, but its a different experience to go to a four seasons country with my hubby and daughters. I enjoyed seeing my girls walk in front of me. Shan with her ponytail swaying in the wind, nary a care in the world, she could pull off wearing her school pants on the streets of Seoul and still look cute. Wei walking steadily, thoughtful but relaxed. (2nd Sept - 10th Sept) 

19. Today I got to eat some new things. For breakfast, my hubby and I went to a mamak near my office. I ordered roti jantan bawang telur and lemon lychee jus ais. I didn't know what they were. The roti was normal, but the drink got me excited. Somehow I like iced drinks with lychee in it. For lunch, it was a treat by media owner at Japanese restaurant. I ordered rice covered with salmon sashimi. It was ok, a safe choice. When hubby came back, he brought pastries from Chateraise. I was just thinking to go to 1u for it. (29th Sept) 

20. Today my calligraphy teacher taught me how to write my Chinese name in 行书 and草书. The characters look so pretty! After 43 years, I am very excited to start practising writing my name 😁 (12th Nov) 

21. Silent is my Christmas present for 2022!!😍 Love the drama. The Japanese are geniuses!! Thank you to the cast and crew. After attending the script writing class, I know there  are deeper meaning to the action and lines. I am going to visit the subway station when I am in Tokyo. (23rd Dec) 

Books I enjoyed in 2021

1. 為什麼大家都來問我？只因受苦的人想得更透徹

2. 轉念的力量：不被念頭綁架，選擇你的人生，讓心靈自由

3. 火來了，快跑

4. Humankind

5. Into the Magic Shop

6. Philip

7. The Changing Mind

8. Group

9. Maybe You Should Talk To Someone

10. With The End In Mind

11. Think Again

12. Midnight Library

Can't see distress

 I realise that most of the time it's not that my sister or my mum is facing some life- threatening situations, it's my fear of seeing them feel sad, disappointed, angry, that causesy anxiety.

Can't bear to see your loved ones sad. I thought those corny lines only appear in soap dramas. It's what happened to me

Emotions are part of life. Let my sister and mum have a run of it too. They are venting it in front of me because I care. I bet it did not to occur to them that I would be greatly affected too.

I hurt too. 

Choose to be grateful

 It has been a stressful and tiring 5 days. At the end of a work week, I am choosing to be grateful.

I am thankful that my sister managed to eat some rice and porridge today. I hope her condition improves soon.

I am thankful that my younger daughter is so bubbly and adorable.

I am thankful that my older daughter is wise beyond her years.

I am thankful that I have friends like Beelui, Meer and Janice whom I can share my worries of my sister with.

I am thankful that my husband is calm and steady when I am stressed out.

I am thankful that Janice was able to help arrange for the monks to pray for my sister. 

Saying no

Today my sister asked me for a screenshot of my digital cert.

I said no.

I feel it's not right. 

After the realization yesterday, I feel I shouldn't jump in to help whenever my sister is in distress. 

I think I am tired of helping. Tired of always getting worried, being anxious. 

Fly in help

 I realise everytime my sister or brother are in distress or sad or stress, my mother will fly in to help. She can't stand them crying or sad or stressed.

Maybe she loves them too much, all hurt and fall need to be soothed immediately.

I think I am influenced by her.

So everytime my sister having an emotional meltdown, I will try my best to help soothe her immediately. I get anxious whenever she is in distress.

But c'mon.

How much can you help? How long can you help? 

One must be allowed to fall, to hurt and to feel.

One must be allowed to take responsibilities for one's action. To learn and grow. 

This is life. 

What are my problems now

 1. My sister is in distress emotionally and financially. I can only give up to certain amount of money. I can't help her forever.

2. I have no goals set for 2021 for my job. I dunno what to tell my boss during mid year review.

3. I feel stuck at my job. My work can be done by an exec. I feel ashamed that younger people are at the same or higher level than me.

4. I think I am underpaid but I dunno how to demand more.

5. I have the imposter syndrome.

6. My younger daughter refuses to do homework and needs constant monitoring to go for online classes. 

New worries

I didnt sleep well last night becos of coffee and the cats wanting to get into our room.

I received messages from my sister and friend-Anne in the morning which brought bad news.

I could feel the anxiety rising in me. As usual, when it comes to my sister. My stomach churned. And I had to go to the toilet. As usual.

Besides my sister's problem with her boyfriend, I am worried that my sister will be willing to take the vaccination because my mother offer to give her RM1k. Despite having strong convictions that the vaccination is a hoax, she is now willing to do it for money. I feel scared that what she resort to in future to get money. I pray that she will maintain her limits when it comes to safety and dignity.

She said she plans to stay in a hotel tonight to avoid seeing her boyfriend.

Under the current circumstances, it will be good for her to move out. She has been under a lot of stress and verbal abuse for a very long time.

She said her boyfriend has not been this angry before. To me, it's the same situation as before. 

I cant concentrate much on work because of the anxiety.

I can only keep on praying.

I feel calmer after writing this down. 

自己跳上砧板

 对自己最不负责任的方式就是把自己的快乐和幸福交给别人。

我家人开心·我就开心

我心爱的人满足我就满足

那这不是你的人生。

你总该有些自己喜欢的东西，讨厌的人，不愿意做的事, 想去的地方。。。

我妈现在生活没有盼头，整天担心我爸和妹妹。

可是我爸和妹妹却还是自己过的好好的，我妈的担心改变不了他们。

我妈的焦旅只是为自己徒增烦恼而已。

还影响了我。

我想要对自己有信心吧，就算是在最坏的情况，也要相信自己撑得过去。

完美主义

可能有些人要求完美，是因为那让他感到安全。事完美了，就在掌控之中，不会被变化影响。

这是信心和安全感的问题。

一个人随性，不要求完美，不控制，因为有信心，就算事情遭遇变化，水来土掩，兵来将挡。

好自由。

传喻的人生

我想来写写我的人生。每天写一点。

怕，好像占据我大部分的人生。

我的意识好像从折断一把尺开始。忘了那时几岁了。好像从那时起就开始会思考。我当时是坐在旧家的书房。

七岁前还蛮无忧无虑的。

七岁上学后发觉我的名字笔画一个比一个多。小学上的是妈妈教书的学校，变成老师的女儿。我觉得我还好，可是从一年级到三年级总有同学老师说我很骄傲。

小学一年级到六年纪，我年年第一。

牵挂

 今天突然意识到，如果少一个人牵挂我，就是我少了一个让我牵挂的人，这样我就能多一份无忧无虑。

这样想会消极吗？至少现在我觉得能让我释怀。

我总是不甘心为什么我总是主动关心别人，但那些人很少主动关心我。

他们如果没消息，应该就是没我的关心还是可以撑得下去。那应该就好了吧。

我希望能达到心境平和，没有牵挂，不忧不虑。

The trap of vaccine

When AZ vaccination was open to volunteers in April, I was skeptical. When my husband asked if I wanted to sign up, I responded : How can both of us take the risk?

I was an complete idiot. Till today, I am still beating up myself for that bad decision and for saying such foolish things.

How things quickly turned around was out of my expectation.

I wanted to register for the 2nd round of AZ vaccination. I failed.

Many people I know managed to get it. That's when the frustration and regret started to set in.

Then as the government ramp up the vaccination, the people around - some much younger - are getting the vaccination. I still had no appointment.

I discovered that there were some problems of the MySejahtera app on Huawei phones that made the users unable to submit their details. I had to use my husband's phone to log in and submit the details. My address was only updated after I did that.

I bought a Huawei P40 last year. Another bad decision.

As I continue to berate myself of the list of bad decisions I made, more and more people are getting their vaccine. Mine was still status quo.

I started to feel angry. I felt like a kid back in kindergarten. It's something like the teacher was giving out treats to each child. When it came to my turn, the teacher was disrupted by another teacher. When she came back, she continued to hand out the treat to the next child. I was forgotten. I was seething in anger. Too proud to call out to the teacher that I have not received my treat. 

I am feeling left out, like somebody is out to get me. Trying to stop me from getting the vaccination.

I didnt expect an issue like this will expose all the negative feelings in me. 

I felt like a victim. It's tiring and pointless. 

Some positive things : my boss put me in the list to get the vaccination bought by Media Prima. He took the initiative to help when the people around me didnt bother to ask if I had got my vaccination. 

My friend Janice is suffering the same fate. I am not alone, at least not for now. 

緑眼狼

 从嫉妒心看见自己的偏执和需要。

老天，怎么我想要的她通通都有。

如果你知道在远处有人一直嫉妒你所拥有的一切，一定会觉得很不舒服吧。

嫉妒就像在平静的湖面划一道口，由浅慢慢变深，最后让你看见湖底的自己

Level by level

 Imagine if your life is a game.

Every year is a new level. 

As your levels go higher, the obstacles gets more challenging. 

You have moved through each level with sweat and pain. 

Even if it gets harder with each level, you can overcome the obstacles slowly but surely because you have had the experience.

Its not about life getting harder each year, it's about how much stronger you have become. 

I can fix it

 Today I asked my intern to send out an email for me.

He asked if I wanted to check the email before he sends out. 

I replied No need, I trust you. 

In my heart I was saying Even if you messed up, I can fix it. 

Wow. 

I think that phrase I said to myself was quite something. 

Proud of myself 😉

妹妹

 从我开始工作时，我就很怕妹妹有问题，不开心。好像她是个在哭的小孩，只要她停止哭泣，我什么都愿意给她。

我总是内疚自己过得比她好。

我心里会想，如果我发生什么不幸的事，那我就比妹妹惨，那她就没理由来烦我了。

打电话给妹妹时，只要电话那头传来她开朗的笑声，我就会觉得很轻松。如果她心情不好，抱怨或是哭泣，我就会开始紧张，开始默默念佛，然后我可能会肚子不舒服，拉肚子。有时我会没来由的突然担心，我打电话给妹妹，果然她出问题或心情不好了。我也不知道那是心灵感应，还是吸引力发则-我的太担心造成妹妹真的发生问题。

妹妹住得远，我不能驾车到她家，所以我一直内疚在她需要帮助或失落时，我没法做什么。我一直害怕如果有天妹妹出事了，我会内疚一辈子，被妈妈怪我为什么没帮妹妹，被人家说我不是个好姐姐。

所以妹妹开口要钱时，我很少拒绝，总时马上转钱给她。只要她开心就好。

我一直希望妹妹生活是完美的，顺遂的，那我就心安理得。

完美是不可能的吧。

我的担心也从来没解决过或帮过妹妹什么。这样担心好累，好恐怖。好像关在隐形的牢狱里痛苦。

我希望我能乐观的面对，正视自己的焦虑，和不安的自己好好相处。

How to be better than last year

Actually this came from the title of a book I saw on books.tw : 我要比去年过得好一点

1. I want to swim more this year : at least 4 times per week

2. No char kuey teow and nasi lemak

3. Sleep earlier i,e at 11pm everyday

4. Drink at least 2 liters of water everyday

5. Remind myself : my life is something some other people can only dream about, so it's good. Those worries about little things, just let it go

Behind every No, there is a reason

 I have decided to stop beating myself up for not moving out of the company.

I used to resent myself for being weak and not daring to venture out. 

I have come to realise that if I am another person, I wont be so hard on him/her. 

There are always reasons behind every decision. 

For me, not moving out probably showed my lack of confidence in my abilities and my fears of failing.

It also showed that I needed a lot of security and stability.

So I may have lost opportunities by staying put, but I have definitely gained as well. 

Day 21 - What do I actually want?

 The final day. 

Most of the days I just filled up what as on my mind, just for the sake of filling up.

I will do a compilation to see what insights I can get out of the 21 days.

Last day want :

1. Reduce my cholestrol to below 5

2. Lose weight till 51kg.

Day 20 - What do I actually want?

 For the first time, I am writing about my daughters.

I want to spend at least a month just travelling with my daughters. Just enjoying their company. 

Day 19 - What do I actually want?

 I want to be focused on what I like. Not caring about what others think and what they think of me. I have wasted too much time being safe and careful.

Day 18 - What do I actually want?

 1. I want to lose weight. Target is 51kg.

2. I want to drink 2L of waters per day.

3. I want to sleep for at least 7 hours per day.

4. I want to work and stay in a foreign city for 1 year.

5. I want to face the things I fear a little at a time until I overcome my fear.              

6. I want to have RM100k in my savings account by 31st Dec 2021.

Day 17 - What do I actually want?

 I want to sleep 

Day 16 - What do I actually want?

 1. I want to learn negotiation skills

2. I want to lose weight. My goal is 51kg now. 

3. I want to drink 2litres of water each day. 

4. I want to stay and work in Shanghai for a year. 

5. I want to learn to speak and read Japanese. 

6. I want to have RM100k savings in my bank account by end December 2021.

Day 15 - What do I actually want?

 I want to lose weight.

I want to drink 2litres water a day.

I want to sleep at least 7 hours a day. 

I want to make peace with myself, be kind to myself and not always be critical. 

Day 14 - What do I actually want?

1. I want to lose weight. My weight now is 54.7kg. I want to go down to 51kg.

So this is my plan : 

Breakfast : Oats + fruits

Lunch : One bowl of food in my little correll bowl

Late afternoon snack : 1 jacob's biscuit or 1 chipsmore oats cookie or 1 little piece of dark chocolate

Dinner : One bowl of food in my little correll bowl

2. I want to drink 2L of water i.e 10 cups or 2 jugs everyday, 1 jug from 8am - 12noon, 1 jug from 12noon - 5pm

Day 13 - What do I actually want?

 I want to feel energetic to get up every morning - like how I woke up feeling excited about the day during my trip to Seoul.

I want to stop eating :

- Sotong

- Char Kuey Teow

- Fried Chicken

- French Fries

- Bubble Milk Tea

I want to lose weight. My weight now is 54.7kg. I want to go down to 51kg.

Day 12 - What do I actually want?

 I want a condo with a window overlooking a nice tree below

Day 11 - What do I actually want?

 As much as I complain about myself and my life, I realise I am living someone's dream. 

There are some who wish for the stability that I have now. 

I want to have the courage and faith to get the opportunity to work in Shanghai or Beijing for a year.

Day 10 - What do I actually want?

 I missed another day. 

I want to have a good night sleep - without waking up in the middle of it- of at least 7 hours everyday.

Day 09 - What do I actually want?

 I want to keep in contact with people who are different from me. They give me new perspectives and teach me new things. 

Potential list :

1. Dany 

2. Asha

3. Sze How

4. Bee Lui

5. John

6. Hui Hui

7. Wen Pin

Day 08 - What do I actually want?

 I skipped a day. I need to work out the best timing each day that I can make an entry, without fail.

I want to go somewhere scenic and quiet, with a good friend, just sit quietly and watch time go by. 

How badly do I want break.... this seems to be always on my mind

Day 07 - What do I actually want?

 I want to know how I can work in Beijing or Shanghai for a year.

At the age of 42, am I too old to be hired?

Day 06 - What do I actually want?

 I want to stop caring so much about everything. 

I want to be strong and cool enough to say - when things dont go my way - it's ok. Perfectly ok.

我想对我妈说

 Mi, 你就不要一直抱怨了好吗？

结婚四十多年，Pa没有吃喝嫖赌，没有外遇，还包办家务。

你们是沟通上的问题，话总没好好说，积在心里这么旧，怨恨早就修炼成妖魔鬼怪。

Pa不谅解你的苦心，你可能也谬视了他的忍耐。

说到底，大家还是善良的人，话说开了就好了。就算还是看对方很不爽，至少憋在心里的委屈会少一点。

今世缘，今世消。今世怨，更要一笔勾销。

来世有缘。。可能你们都希望来世别再遇上了，哈哈 :)

Day 05 - What do I actually want?

 1. I want to have a mentor who can guide me how to be a mum and woman comfortable in her own skin.

Yesterday I wrote :

1. I want to have a peace of mind - not having to worry about my family anymore

2. I want to go to a scenic, quiet place where the people are kind and warm.

3. I want to be stronger inside. Not easily triggered by people and issues.

- these 3 seems to indicate that I want to die and go to heaven.. hahhahahaha

Previously I wrote :

1. I want to go to Japan with my hubby and daughters. Tokyo disneyland is the top priority.

2. I want to work and stay in Beijing or Shanghai for 1 year.

3. I want to redecorate my living room - need to work on specifics for this

4. I want to clean out punishment room - need to work on specifics for this

5. I want to drink 2L of water i.e 10 cups or 2 jugs everyday, 1 jug from 8am - 12noon, 1 jug from 12noon - 5pm

6. I want to go to bed by 11pm every night. 

7. I will save up RM2.5k each month - excluding Manulife for the girls - so that my savings can reach RM100k by December 2021.

Day 04 - What do I actually want?

 Putting the realistic things aside,

1. I want to have a peace of mind - not having to worry about my family anymore

2. I want to go to a scenic, quiet place where the people are kind and warm.

3. I want to be stronger inside. Not easily triggered by people and issues.

Day 03 - What do I actually want?

More specifics today :

1. I want to go to Japan with my hubby and daughters. Tokyo disneyland is the top priority.

2. I want to work and stay in Beijing or Shanghai for 1 year.

3. I want to redecorate my living room - need to work on specifics for this

4. I want to clean out punishment room - need to work on specifics for this

5. I want to drink 2L of water i.e 10 cups or 2 jugs everyday, 1 jug from 8am - 12noon, 1 jug from 12noon - 5pm

6. I want to go to bed at 11pm every night. 

7. I will save up RM2.5k each month - excluding Manulife for the girls - so that my savings can reach RM100k by December 2021.

Day 02 - What do I actually want?

 Let's look back at what I wrote yesterday first.

1. I want to go to Japan - STILL ON

2. I want my savings to reach RM100k by December 2021. - STILL ON

3. I want to redecorate my living room. - STILL ON

4. I want to clean up Punishment Room. - STILL ON

5. I want to live and work in a different country for a year. - STILL ON

6. I want to drink 2liters of water everyday.- STILL ON

7. I want to sleep at least 7 hours everyday. - STILL ON

Today I will work on the specifics of item 6. I will measure how much is 1 cup of water and how many cups is required. Then I decide how many cups in the morning, afternoon and evening.

Day 01 - What do I actually want?

 I am setting this challenge for myself. I will write on the same topic : What do I actually want - for 21 days. 

1. I want to go to Japan

2. I want my savings to reach RM100k by December 2021. 

3. I want to redecorate my living room.

4. I want to clean up Punishment Room. 

5. I want to live and work in a different country for a year. 

6. I want to drink 2liters of water everyday.

7. I want to sleep at least 7 hours everyday.

Top 10 Desired List

This is what I wrote in October  2020 :

 1. My sister marries a man who truly loves her and respects her.

2. Be in an animated movie as voice-over with Jack Black.

3. Be an international speaker.

4. Go to Japan each year during Spring or Autumn.

5. Attend the Akita Program For Foreigners in Autumn.

6. Spend 1 year staying and working in Beijing.

7. Have a house with kitchen overlooking my beautiful garden.

8. Be part of the ensemble of String.

9. Maintain the habit of swimming x3 a week.

10. Wirte a story about 好命姨

Pleasing my mother

 Tonight my mother called to complain about my father. Yet again. 

I have long suspected that my father is showing signs of alzheimer. I am not surprised by his behavior. 

I am stressed because I have always want to make my mother happy. Any signs of distress, anxiety or sadness from her caused me to feel the same. I can't cope when she has other emotions apart from anger and joy. 

My mum is just being human. She is scared and frustrated and sad seeing the deterioration of her life partner of more than 40 years. Despair that she cant do anything to stop it. She is not ready for the change, but change has started regardless.

My dad. Well, it's part of life. You grow up, grow old, become ill and eventually die. 

Like what my mum claimed : we just have to face it.

I learnt this in 2021

 1. Whatever my mother did that hurt me in the past, I know now that she didnt mean it. (January)

2. Other people / incident can be the trigger to our emotions, but we are the ones carrying the ammunition / explosive. We need to figure out the reason behind this. Then we will be free of the trigger. (January)

3. We are all victims of victims. (January)

4. Forgiveness is all about you. (Feburary)

5. Eat first. I buy things I regret later if I am hungry. I panic more when I am hungry. (February)

6. Siblings toughen you up, cos you are always in a competition for attention. (February)

7. 我们不是缺乏想象力，只是我们把想象力用在想像自己失败的样子 - from MrsMogi (February)

8. People who don't listen to themselves and take care of their own needs, will become a bigger burden to other people in future.

9. To be good at something, you need to do it everyday, but (the practice) may not be good everyday. (March)

10. Our job is to solve problems, if there are no problems, then we won't have a job - from Asha (March)

11. Don't go running after pain - from Asha (March) 

8. For the Queen, there are 3 important things : Good health, strong faith and Prince Phillip. (April, after Prince Phillip's funeral)

9. I scratched my neighbour's car. The communication process could be better, although we offer compensation later on, my neighbour didnt respond, she probably refused to even consider due to pride. I didnt mean to be a bad person by not admitting to my mistake. It's just that whole scenario blew out of proportion when one party starts raising their voice and things got out of hand. I have learnt that when you want to ask for something, you really need to maintain your cool. Anger doesnt get you anything. Pride is just a fancy word - full of fluff. (October)

10. I am thankful that I wrote down some of the important things that I went through this year on this blog. Looking back, I saw that I have always been trying to fix my anxiety and worries. Showed me that I do care and love myself. I want to give myself a big hug. (Dec)

11. You need to talk to someone (really). (December)

11. Most of the time, it's our thoughts that spurred our emotions. (December)

12. Hospital Playlist is one of the best Korean Dramas I have ever watched. I long to have close friends like the characters in the drama. Shows how lonely I feel inside.

I am happy that I did this in 2021

1. I got a booster jab for Hepatitis. (January)

2. Read up about how to stop the victim mentality (February)

3. Finish The Rosie Effect by Graeme Simsion. We all have a bit of Don in us. (February)

4. Watch "What Really Happened in Sleeping Beauty" by Jordan Peterson. (February)

5. I did a health checkup at Gleneagles Hospital. (March)

6. I found RM100 in my CK clutch at work!! (1st April - best April's fool gift!)

7. Finish Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb. An enjoyable and insightful read. (April) 

8. Got the monks to pray for my sister's recovery from Covid and dontated money to the temple (Sept)

8. Started counselling sessions at Mentcouch (Dec)