It's not going to come to me

I was a straight A student right from Standard One.

I was the top of the form for 6 consecutive years. Just scoring below 80% was a major disaster to my mother and I.

Although my studies were good, somehow they were never good enough for my mother. She was always saying I was stupid and careless. I became very sensitive to other people's judgement of me. 

My aunt adopted a baby girl when she awas in mid fifties. The baby was given the name Allison.

My mum likes to sing praises of Allison. From her studies - a far cry from my impeccable record in school - to her recent interest in sewing and cooking.

When I argued that her results were nothing comparable to mine, my mum would say it's not fair to compare. Allison transfered from Cambodia (where my aunt was working previously) to a school in Petaling Jaya. Thus her results were good for a new student.

Allison is 14 now. During the lockdown period, she has taken an interest to sewing and cooking. My mum was saying Allison was very good in this and that.

As I started to argue with my mum on this again, I saw the truth that the compliments and acknowledgement that I yearned from my mum are not coming to me ever. 

My mum is 70. The best that I can do now is tell her I feel. To tell her I wish she could tell me that I was good too.