It's almost like I feel that I dont deserve to be happy...at least not for long. When things are ok for a while, I will start caution-ing myself : something is going to happen, something is going to happen..

Then I sorta 'will' something to happen. Maybe it's due to the law of attraction.

When I look within, this happens because I feel insecure. I feel I do not have the ability to handle the unexpected. Thus only when I am prepared, I can handle it better. The experience of the previous incidents were too stressful, thus my brain is trying to prevent this from happening. 

But life is such. Shit happens. All the time. 

I will be ok.