Things I am glad I did in Dec holidays this year :
1. Sending the Christmas Card to Grandma Disa - Finally, after 2 years
2. Purchased new dining tables and chair and sideboard
3. Watched Silent the Japanese drama - My Christmas present
4. Spent one day with Pei Lee just chillin at Starhill
5. Gave the books to Book Exchage after compiling them since October
6. Gave away the breadmaker
Shinzo Abe was shot and died today. I feel sad for him. No one should die this way.
It's the start of wpp holidays today.
I had breakfast at sugarlane.
I deposited my tax relief.
I printed my passport receipt.
I fixed my hair (finally) after 4 months.
I had keto cocoa with avocado cheese cake. They were not super nice, but the experience of trying something new was enjoyable.
I got angry because I was not making the progress I hope for during cello practice.
So I got angrier when I saw my family didn't appreciate the food I cook.
Then I realised the purpose of me cooking was so that we save money and the kids eat proper food. As long as that purpose was served, I don't need the appreciation.
I realised it's futile to always expect appreciation from others. Most of the time, we will never get it.
Still things need to be done.
I learnt something about being a real adult by reading Mark Manson's book.
My family didn't notice my new hair. I spent RM400 on it. I think I look stunning. Thank goodness I did it for myself.
Today is a good day. 😊
Today I accept that my sister's life is as the way it is. No more thinking it should be better, she should be doing this and that..
Today I accept that I will always feel fear when my sister is in trouble or distress.
Today I accept that fear will always be there, I will stand with it side by side.
Today I accept that I have my own way of soothing myself, other methods may work for other people, I will do it my way and it works.
Today I tell myself that Althea, you have done your best. You have always been trying.
Today I feel my voice is stronger and more comforting. I am enough.
Lobak died today.
I cried with my sister.
I dunno how long it's going to take for her to walk out of grief.
After I left her house, I saw a car with the car plate ALT 217.
Its my initial and my lucky number.
God is telling me he is looking out for me. 😇
I realised the reason I like to speak in public or whenever there is a sharing session, it's because I don't have many chances to speak at home.
I am always listening to my mum, sister and friends complaining. Often I wonder why they don't ask how I am doing. It's not like I lead a perfect life.
I listen to them complain so much that I relish the opportunity of having someone listening to me.
Today I am glad to know my parents have started drawing up their wills.
My husband warned me that being the executioner will require a lot of work.
I am just happy that something I put off for so long finally gets done.
I will cross the bridge when I get there.
After reading part in The Book of Joy where the Dalai Lama mentioned living in exile has given him many opportunities to learn and to meet for people, I started to think if I can see my problems from a different perspective.
I remember in my early 30s, after feeling sorry for myself and blaming God for giving me problematic siblings, one day it finally struck me that regardless of how my siblings were, God has been very kind to me. The problems with my siblings were their own problems, nothing to do with me, nothing to do with how God was treating me.
So the good thing was, having problems helped me to see how lucky I was and how kind God was to me.
1. The Book Of Joy
2. 与神聊天
3. 椿山课长的那七天
4. Being Mortal
5. 喂养温柔死神的方法
6. 银河食堂之夜
7. Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn
8. 活出真正的自己就不会再生病
9. 做孩子需要的妈妈就好
10. The World On Sale
11. 被讨厌的勇气
12. The People Pleaser's Guide To Loving Others Without Losing Yourself
13. 意外抽得幸运签
14. 书房的钥匙
15. Anxious People
I turned 43 today.
I went to bed after midnight last night feeling peaceful and relaxed.
At least I made it to 43. Aging is a privilege denied to many.
Today I started feeling : is this it? I feel like I didn't accomplished anything in life. Or maybe it's becos it's Monday tomorrow and I have WIP first thing in the morning.
I had an 'attack' yesterday.
When I was on the way home after sending Wei to school in the morning, a thought popped up that what if my sister is distressed again..
Then the idea seeped into my mind like how a drop of ink smears the entire piece of tissue paper. Fast and silently.
I kept having worrisome thoughts the whole day. Replaying the voice of my sister when she is distressed, thinking what could have happened etc..All the while also trying to rationalise that these are just thoughts and they are not true.
Even if something really happened, it should be something she has experienced before. It's not as bad and dramatic as I imagined.
It could be the hormonal changes in my body as I start my menstrual cycle yesterday or
My mind and body were really affected by the previous incidents when something really happened to my sister. I hope to give myself a hug, telling myself that : Hey, you were really scared the last time, weren't you.. it's ok, things will be ok now.
I went for a walk in the evening. After an hour of walking, I was exhausted and my mind was less bothered. After cooking and eating dinner, I totally only lie in bed, but I couldnt fall a sleep, all the while fearing that my sister might call or I might miss her text.
I woke up at 6am, Wei didnt want to go to school so I went back to sleep. Woke up at 9am. Still feeling tired, but the sleep did help to make me feel better this morning.
