God's reply to Apology

 I want to say sorry to God or whoever that has been looking out for me all my life. I lead a blessed life, but for the good part of it, I used it to harbour fear, resentment and bias. It's like having the brush of Van Gogh but using it as a feather duster instead of painting beautiful masterpieces. Fear was an easy way out. 

I wonder how God would reply to this

"You think I gave you Van Gogh’s brush so you could paint perfect pictures for Me?

I gave it so you could paint. Period.

The years you spent as a feather duster? I didn't waste them. I watched every swipe. I saw every cobweb you cleared in the dark, even when you thought you were just making a mess. Fear wasn't a sin you committed against Me—it was a room you locked yourself in. And I stood outside the door the whole time, not with a key, but with patience.

Do you know what I see now? Not the masterpieces you didn't paint. I see the hands that finally stopped gripping the duster. I see the bristles trembling, reaching for the canvas. That tremor—that hesitation—is more honest than any perfect stroke you could have faked.

So here is My reply: Start where you are. Paint a crooked line. Paint a muddy sky. Paint your fear—let it be the shadow that gives the light its shape. I don't need your apology. I need your noise. Your clumsy, glorious, utterly human noise.

Because the masterpiece was never the painting. It was you, deciding to begin."

The Joys of 2026

 1. Today and yesterday were series of dining experiences. It was 1919 Nyonya restaurant and Tandoor Grill yesterday with the tech team. Today I had lunch at Daikon Hamburg rice and 奈雪 in TRX. Followed by dinner with the team again at Neef restaurant - an Iranian place - in KL- their Nasi Mandi Ayam was quite good. After dinner was band practice. It was the first time I played in a band. I sucked at it, but it was enjoyable 😁 (20th Jan)

2. I turned 47 today. Last year I spent my birthday with colleagues in GroupM. This year, in a different company, I chose to stay at home with my birthday leave. I went for a swim in the morning followed by breakfast at Che Amah Tesco. Had my favourite Lontong. Went for lunch at Snooze with Wei and Shan. We went to Bookexcess after lunch. Bought 2 books using the 50% Birthday Discount. Dinner was with Wei at Sushi Jiro, Setia City Mall. It was a peaceful birthday 🎈 (23rd Jan)

3. I went for my first off-site with Adzymic to Danang, Vietnam. It was great meeting all the people I have only known online. They were a bunch of decent and nice young people from many countries. The beach activities were hilarious. I was nervous about playing with the band, but it was ok. There are some talented people in the company. I was frustrated that I had my period thought-out the trip, but turned out it helped me sleep better each night. My roommate was Maja, she was nice and couldn't care less about other people. It was nice walking through Hoi An old town in the night with the group and in the day on my own. The hot chocolate at Marou was so good that I had it twice. I ordered Grab bike from the old town back to our hotel. It was a fun ride. I even saw farmers sleeping on their buffaloes 🐃 (24th - 28th Jan)

4. KC and I went for our annual CNY shopping at the Eng Ann morning market. We bought the usual CNY deco and boxing chicken bak kwa. We had Fatty Mee Hoon Kueh before going to the market. It's the closest to CNY shopping that we will ever get. The atmosphere at the market was festive and robust despite the slight drizzling 🧨 (31st Jan)

5. Wei and I attending a Chinese instrumental concert tonight at PJPAC. The event was Ode To Spring organized by 允生堂. The Chinese orchestra was good and so we're the guest artists. I am very impressed by the Harmonica and Pianist. Both are world renowned artists. It's amazing that the Erhu can replace the string section in the philharmonic orchestra. The Acapella group - 不误正业 -  was like the Malaysian version of Boyz II Men. They were quite good. Looking forward to the same concert next year 🌼 (8th Feb)

6. It was Wei's birthday. We went to Pasar Seni and then to KLCC. While I went to the bookfest, Wei met up with her friends. It was quality time spent with my big baby 🐥 (19th March)

7. I came back to BP to accompany my mum for her hospital appointment. It was a great relief that the CT Scan test results came out normal. I helped arrange for the medicine to be posted over monthly. Another appointment was arranged for ultrasound in May. I helped my mum to throw some of the old things out. I am glad I went back to BP ❣️(26th March)

8. KC and I went to Ho Kou Kopitiam near Petaling Street this morning. We arrived at 7am, but didn't know we could start to take number. The shop opened at 7.30am. The queue was not long thankfully. The food was ok, slightly overpriced, not surprising since its main customer base was tourists. It was nice to go to a popular place for breakfast together on a weekday 🍳 (23rd April)

9. Wei and I attended the Broadway Concert today. It was performed by the Tutan Festival Orchestra, conducted by Kevin Field and guest star was Jacklyn Victor. The sound of the orchestra was richer than what I usually hear in MPO. Hearing Jacklyn Victor singing live was awesome. So much better than on TV. It was an enjoyable concert 😌 (26th April)

10. Today KC and I brought Wei to Petaling Street. We went to a few popular restaurants and cafes. The food was ok, some a bit overpriced. The cat cafe we went was good though. There were 40+ cats. I made 3 photo magnets near Central Market. It was a nice half day outing with my fam 🤩 (1st May)

11. It's Mother's Day today. Wei gave me a handwritten note. I was very touched. She e en bought me a pair of cute earrings. I went to a piano recital by my cello teacher at Bentley's. After that I had nyonya diner with KC. It was a nice Mother's Day 🌹 (10th May)

12. It was my first business trip to Shenzhen. While it was a short 4D3N trip, I enjoyed the bustling city of SZ. With luck, my colleagues and I enjoyed requisite local cuisine. The people we met were also friendly and nice. We also met Ailing, Michelle's elder sister who was nice and down to earth. The first ex MediaCorp artist I met. I went for drinks with the ladies at the tapas bar in Mandarin Oriental, it was on 77th floor. Had a great view of the night scene of SZ. After the meetings, I got to enjoy SZ with KC for a day of our own. We went for dimsum breakfast, 湾区之眼，the biggest bookshop in the world and 壹方城shopping mall 🌆 (13th - 16th May)

13. Shan and I went to Guangzhou. It was our first overseas trip together. We stayed at 北京路. The location of the hotel was good. The street was bustling with food and shops. The hotel was also nice- it came with AI in the room. Shan couldnt walk much and liked to sleep in. So I enjoyed some parts of the day on my own. I went to a few independent bookshops and bought a total of 4 books. The food was not great but I did enjoy our meals together. Shan was thoughtful and didn't complain even when I led her to walk the wrong way for 20 minutes. It was a nice mother and daughter trip 🎁 (24th - 29th May)

14. KC took me to my birthday lunch at Da Jin Omakase Dining. It was inspired by the exquisite dining of the effluent during the Song Dynasty. The environment was serene in a chinese-inspired villa surrounded by bamboos. There was even a lake nearby. It was special dining experience. By the end of the 8-course meal, I was feeling slightly bloated. They even gave a cake as KC indicated we're there to celebrate our anniversary 🎉 (21st June)

15. I took Wei to the Ghibli concert at MPO. I drove all the way from Setia Alam to KLCC and back. It was quite scary. I missed a few turnings here and there, but I am very glad we got home safe and sound. Plus it was a nice concert 🙏🏻 (4th July)

16. We went on a family trip to Chengdu. The weather was slightly hot but thank God no rain. We saw pandas, the big Buddha of LeShan and the bustling 春熙路. Some parts were tiring, some parts were filled with frustrations with each other. We were even 'evicted' from our hotel room as the hotel faced financial issues with the building owner. We moved to another floor and all was ok. It's meaningful that we got to spend time as a family. I discovered very yummy 担担面 in 米仓食堂. It came with soy broth and pieces of fresh lemon. The idea of combing these with the traditional 担担面was awesome! I love the bookshop at the airport as well, just next to our gate. If Wei gets good results in SPM, I will go back to 文殊院. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 (1st - 6th Sept)

17. I drove to KL Eco City today. Took a few wrong turns, including driving into a dead end before I reached the right car park. Glad I arrived safely and came home safely 😊 (10th Sept)

Books I bought in 2026

 1. 别动不动就自责

2. 恋路旅馆

3. 回到生命的喜马拉雅

4. 雾子与疗愈心灵的咖啡馆

5. 神的病历簿1

6. 神的病历簿2

7. 神的病历簿3

8. The Undercover Economist

9. A History of the World in 25 Cities

10. 不生锈的人生

11. 现在最好

12. Two Women Living Together

13. 两个普通女人的十年通信

14. 迪士尼乐园清洁工日记

15. The 48 Laws of Power

16. 东京八平米

17. 我恋禾谷

18. 我在乡村做书店

19. 俗世奇人全本

20. 在历史中安顿自己

21. 豆子芝麻茶

22. 山顶面包店的慢哲学

23. 已经很好啦

24. 笑翻中国简史

25. 好想和离世的你 再说说话

26. 失恋巴士都是迷

27. 在爱意察觉之前

28. The In-Between

29. Leaders Eat Last - gift from Ken Wong 

30. 动物园的生死告白 - 购于宽窄巷

31. 历史中的大与小 - 购于成都天府机场

Books I enjoyed in 2026

1. 今天就在渡渡鸟躲雨

2. Remarkably Bright Creatures 

3. 神的病历簿2

4. 回到生命的喜马拉雅

5. Two Women Living Together

6. 不生锈的人生

7. 我恋禾谷

8. 已经很好啦

9. The In-Between

10. 失恋巴士都是迷

11. 动物园的生死告白

Books I read in 2026

1. 今天就在渡渡鸟躲雨吧

2. 你好，我是书店员

3. 神的病历簿

4. Remarkably Bright Creatures 

5. 神的病历簿2

6. 回到生命的喜玛拉雅

7. Two Women Living Together 

8. 不生锈的人生

9. 恋路旅馆

10. 现在最好

11. 我恋禾谷

12. 已经很好啦

13. The History of the World in 25 Cities

14. 豆子芝麻茶

15. 迪士尼乐园清洁日记

16. 好想和离世的你 再说说话

17. The In-Between

18. Poor Economics

19. 失恋巴士都是迷

20. 两个普通女人的十年通信

21. 动物园的生死告白

The travelling books MY

 Books : 

1. Atomic Habits - Sze Kiat

2. Reasons to stay alive - Hui Hui

3. The next person you meet in heaven - Pamela

4. 善终 - 丽雅

5. 意外抽得上上签 - 秀云

6. 随风飞舞的塑料布 - 秀云

Books I enjoyed in 2025

1. The museum of useless body parts

2. 善终

3. 去爱这热气腾腾的人间

4. 食南之徒

5. 你愿意，人生就会值得

6. 山茶花情书

7. 延南洞咕噜咕噜洗衣店

8. Revenge of the tipping point 

9. 月亮升起的森林

10. 史宾诺莎诊疗室

11. The next person you meet in heaven

12. Reasons to stay alive

13. The new China playbook 

14. My Friends

15. If you live to 100, you might as well be happy

16. 桃花源没事儿 

17. The art of spending money

18. 怪物街市 + 我和我的怪物朋友

Letters to my friends

 1. Bee Lui

2. Hui Hui

3. John

4. Pei Lee

5. Kim

6. Sze Kiat

7. Hui Ching

8. Huey Chuen

9. Erin

10. Justin Alonzo

11. Rahul

12. Wanlih

13. Dany

14. Robin

Joys of 2025

1. KC and I went to the morning market in Klang to get the CNY decorations. It has become a CNY tradition for our small family. The feel at the market was already full of festive cheer. So many things and food in preparation for CNY. Makes me feel light and happy. After that we went to buy bak-kwa and had chee cheong fun. I used RM4 to buy toto too 🤪 (18th Jan)

2. I turned 46 today. I had breakfast at RBB followed by lunch with Spectrum at Grand Imperial. Dinner was at Sip Sip with Wei and Shan. There were lion dance at the office from Astro this afternoon. There were few wishes from closed friends and family. I was especially touched by the message from my mother. I thought she won't remember. It was a nice birthday 🎂 (23rd Jan)

3. We had reunion dinner with my parents in BP today. My brother didn't make it back this year. The dinner table would be quite quiet if it's not for Reiley. She enlivened the atmosphere with her usual chatty and bossy self. After that she helped to clean up. She also opened the 2 cans of abalone when I was hopeless with the can opener. She even helped to hang the banner by climbing on the ladder. Later she showed me a little cat she folded out of a RM100 dollar note, just by referring to YouTube. She has great talents and strong organisational skills. I am glad to have her around this CNY 💕 (28th Jan)

4. We spent 2 nights in Desaru after BP. The hotel room was big enough for the girls to play badminton in it. We have the usual squabbles, but now I appreciate them as something you go through when you spend time with family 💖 (31st Jan - 1st Feb)

5. I had a quiet lunch alone at Matcha & Co. I dined on the terrace. Weather and food was good. I had time to reply to messages on my phone. Nice lunch 😁 (6th Feb)

6. Today is Thaipusam. I am thankful for this mid week break. I walked for an hour followed by brunch at Thong Kee. After that I went to Bookexcess at Sunsuria to buy books using my birthday discount 😁 (11th Feb)

7. Today I harvested my first ever cucumber from my garden. I didn't even know it was growing until today. I also received my birthday present from my hubby. The Panasonic nanocare hair dryer that I have been eyeing since last month 🎊 (27th Feb)

8. March was travelling to new places : Beijing and Sekinchan

9. I went to Moiitea after eating lunch at office. I wanted to try the Rasa Bersama set again. It was quite nice. I discovered hot drink can stop brain freeze immediately. Which is what happened after I drank the orange 🍊 Americano right after red  bean 🫘 slushie. The osmanthus jelly was nice too 🥰 (14th April)

10. I finished 食南之徒 today. It was an enjoyable experience. In fact I am happy whenever I read a book that I can't put down 🥰 (26th April)

11. I was in a bad mood today after an argument with my hubby. When I parked in the back lane, a small trash truck was behind my car. It was difficult to reverse out. The Indian uncle - the truck driver - helped to direct me out patiently with a big smile. It lifted my spirits immediately. Kind souls can make one's life better. Even if it's a brief encounter 😜 (26th May)

12. A lovely morning at Cafe Veloce in Tokyo while waiting for the laundry. It's great luxury 😁 (1st June)

13. I drove to PERKESO Klang on my own today (yay!) I was very nervous and kept chanting prayers. I reached the destination within 32mins as predicted by Waze but spent another 20 minutes looking for parking. I even drove up to the warehouse of Lotus and got stuck. It was a narrow spot, I couldn't reverse my car out. Thank God there was one kind Abang who helped me. He drove my car out. I am so thankful to meet someone like him. And also deeply thankful that I made it safely home 🏡 (16th June)

14. I drove to Ara Damansara to meet Ayu and Wan Lih today. I thought Waze will take me through the route I used before. However I used the 'backdoor way' from Glenmarie to Ara Damansara. I even passed Subang Airport on the way back. I realise finding parking is more difficult than driving there itself. Still I am glad I made it home safe and sound 😁 (17th June)

15. Wei needed to get the x-ray done at a clinic in Built Jelutong. I made the decision to drive there. Waze had the duration of the journey doubled that of Google's- because Waze had a default option of avoiding tolls. I took the toll road back. I am glad I took the chance to drive there 😀 (5th July)

16. I had breakfast alone at Kenko Cafe. Hojicha latte with egg mayo sourdough. And with a book. Just me and another 2 customer at the cafe. Quiet and nice 🙂 (14th September)

17. I attended the opening of the exhibition of my calligraphy teacher at Klang. I went with my classmates. We had dinner together before going to the event. I am glad I reached out to them to ask if I could join them. The exhibition was good too 😀(18th September)

18. My calligraphy teacher gave me one of his works after the opening. It was a double. I was just kidding when I asked if I can one of the doubles, he agreed at the spot. I didn't expect him to really brought it for me during class today. 山川龙🐲蛇🐍 🥳 (20th September)

19. RT Pastry finally brought my favourite edamame quinoa bread back after a few months🥳 (21st September)

20. Today Rowanne gave me a papercup of water. We were at Klinik Chew, she took water from the water dispenser - 1 for herself, 1 for me. Something she seldom did for me, tats why it felt special 🥰 (30th September)

21. Today I helped a Taiwanese couple get to matcha&co. They were having problems with their tokens at the MRT station. After I helped them to clear the tokens at the counter, they asked me how to get to a 茶馆. It turned out to be matcha&co. The lady had a cup of tea which was unforgettable that she had to have it again this trip and she brought her husband along. I think it's just Chai or some fragrant teh tarik. They seemed to be nice people. I am glad I managed to help them 😁 (2nd Oct)

22. After days of heavy rain in the evening, my chili plant finally bear fruits! And I saw them this morning! I was concerned that there were no fruits after all the flowering. What a nice surprise 🌶️❣️ (18th Oct)

23. I watched the Chinese musical - 南孔 - at DFP today. It was quite nice. I think I can appreciate it more than Western musical. Before that I went Kinokuniya and bought an interesting book entitled If you live to 100, you might as well be happy. I went to Eslite during lunch time too but walked out empty handed. Ah.. how lucky it is to be able to visit 2 major bookstores in 1 day. As I was leaving KLCC, I looked up and saw the Twin Towers beaming proudly in the night. They were really stunning 🌃 😘 (28th Oct)

24. I went to Bangkok with Kiat and Lee. It was a 4d3n trip. We stayed at the Royal Orchid Sheraton which was beside the Chao Phraya river. We went on a food tour and a dinner cruise. Short and sweet. I am glad I took time to go on a trip with my childhood friends 🎉 (31st Oct - 3rd Nov)

25. I was in Singapore for 4D3N for business trip. It was the first time since I stayed more than 48 hours and really walked around. I stayed at Mercure Icon Hotel. Nice and comfy, comes with breakfast. I spent the day time meeting colleagues and business partners. Had dinner with Rahul and Sze How. Good to meet up with them after so long. I also had the chance to visit a few independent bookstores. Some had quite good selection of books📚 (18th - 21st Nov)

26. I went to tapao at 九五至尊，took the wrong turn and ended up in Kapar. A short drive of below 10 minutes became a joy ride of 45 minutes 😂 thank God I reached home safe and sound 🙏🏻 (5th Dec)

27. Today I bought a Spiderman Miles Morales from the Lego outlet in Setia City Mall. It costed RM 339.50. With the amount, I was qualified for the lucky draw. I chose from a set Christmas squares. The retail assistant gasped when he opened the slip I drew. I won a F1 Garage and Mercedes Alphine Cars. It was worth RM381. It's the 2nd best prize for the day 🍀 (22nd Dec)

28. We spent 6D5N in Penang. The highlight was Bukit Bendera and Peranakan Museum. Those were 2 places I enjoyed. It was a relaxing time to spend with my family 😘 (23rd - 28th Dec)

Books I read in 2025

1. 餐桌上的文化课 - 荤素搭配

2. 餐桌上的文化课 - 茶余饭后

3. The museum of useless body parts

4. 善终

5. 去爱这热气腾腾的人间

6. 如诗如画的中国-杭州

7. 如诗如画的中国-北京

8. 食南之徒

9. 孩在继续

10. 你愿意，人生就会值得

11. 山茶花情书

12. How do bridges work

13. 阿勒泰的角落

14. 餐桌上的文化课 - 烟火滋味

15. 延南洞咕噜咕噜洗衣店

16. Revenge of the tipping point

17. 给孩子的中国建筑

18. 月亮升起的森林

19. 史宾诺莎诊疗室

20. 服饰，打开祖先的衣橱

21. The next person you meet in heaven

22. Reasons to stay alive

23. The new China playbook 

24. The little book of otter philosophy (gift from Kiat)

25. My Friends

26. 缎带

27. If you live to 100, you might as well be happy

28. 桃花源没事儿 

29. The art of spending money

30. 怪物街市 + 我和我的怪物朋友

31. 守护书的猫

Books I bought In 2025

 1. Awakenings - Oliver Sacks

2. 唐宋元明清. 朝的一天

3. Cities - the first 6000 years

4. How to make the world add up

5. The museum of useless body parts

6. 善终

7. 山茶花情书

8. 难不成是失智症

9. 女性心疗法

10. 紫禁城 100

11. 如诗如画的中国-杭州

12. 如诗如画的中国-北京

13. 去爱这热气腾腾的人间

14. 食南之徒

15. 你愿意，人生就会值得

16. 孩在继续

17. Revenge of the Tipping Point

18. 给孩子的中国建筑

19. 服饰，打开祖先的衣橱

20. The new China playbook

21. 史宾诺莎诊疗室

22. 缎带

23. Atomic Habits (with bookexcess vouchers from Janice)

24. Reasons to stay Alive (as above)

25. Ending Hunger (as above)

26. The next person you meet in heaven (as above)

27. What would Cleopatra do (as above)

28. Money Magic (as above)

29. If you live to 100, you might as well be happy

30. My Friends

31. 怪物街市 + 我和我的怪物朋友

32. The Art of Spending Money 

33. 守护书的猫

34. 你好，我是书店员

35. 今天就在渡渡鸟躲雨吧！

36. 桃花源没事儿

37. Super communicators

38. An intimate history of premature birth

39. Poor economics

Books I read in 2024

1. Edible Economics

2. 不便利的便利店2

3. 从前从前皇帝有座动物园

4. 在树下在传达神谕的猫🐱

5. 铁道员

6. 嗨，北京

7.  唐诗里的中国

8.  太白金星有点烦

9. 长安的荔枝

10. Same as ever

11. 在忘却温柔之前

12. 蛤蟆先生去看心理医生

13. 23 things They Don't Tell You About Capitalism 

14. Breaking The Age Code

15. 靠近你的不是人，是爱情啊

16. 情敌

17. Love, Money and Parenting 

18. Hidden Potential

19. The Good Life

20. 餐桌上的文化课 - 南米北面

21. The Mind's Eye

22. Humanimals

Joys of 2024

 1. I finally bought the cover for Strandmon armchair. It was out of stock in 2023. Now the armchair looks neat after removing mattress protector which I have been using as cover since day 1. The color of the cover is in wheat. My family thinks it makes the chair ugly. To me, it's perfect. 😘 (4th Jan)

2. I cleared off the 2 old mirrors and chopped the 2 mini trees. The 2 mini trees were growing in the pot for too long. I am glad the staff at the recycling center was willing to take the 2 old mirrors. 😄(21st Jan)

3. I drove to Bukit Kiara Equestrian club today. I took a wrong turn and had to make a big u turn. I also took an illegal turn and was honked at once. Still I managed to find the place and got home safely. I saw 2 signs on the road showing God was with me 💗 🤞🏻(23rd Jan)

4. KC bought me champagne roses and purple baby breaths today 💗 (19th Feb)

5. I attended a Cello Recital at KS Strings today. Hearing a cello sextet live was quite amazing. The sound was really rich and soothing. Reminded me the reason why I fell in love with the cello. It was a great experience 🎉 (10th March)

6. KC and I went for the Ramadan Buffet at DeWan The Linc. It has been ages since we went for a buffet. We definitely couldn't eat as much as we used to. The spread however was huge enticing. I found the Telur Goreng Kechap and Bubur Lambuk Pahang delicious and appetizing. I was just thinking I never had the chance to eat Bubur Lambuk as it's mostly prepared at masjids. Seeing it at the buffet was a nice surprise 🤤 (30th March)

7. Today when I showed my calligraphy teacher what I have re-wrote based on last year's work, he said my work last year is good enough to participate in the upcoming exhibition of 3-generation work. I am proud of myself. The work was 与天地并生 和万物为一 ☺️ (6th April)

8. We were in Melaka during Hari Raya. As I was watching 与风行，Wei saw a scene and said jokingly: 哼，生气气。。丢棍子。。 It was hilarious. I have never heard her mimic the actors in a drama 😄 (10th April)

9. My mum texted me if I was still paying the monthly wifi fees for her house. When I called back, both my mum and dad were talking to me about the issue. I don't remember the last time I heard them both on the same phone call. It was certainly something special ☺️(16th April)

10. I had a car accident today. I missed a red light and hit a Toyota Alphard. Today is not a day of joy, but definitely a day of gratitude. From Janice who was with me all the way, Nasir who came with the sticky tapes, Abang Alphard who didn't say any harsh words to the nice Datin who asked if I was ok, I couldn't have asked for nicer people whose day was somewhat disrupted by my mistake. Not forgetting my husband who called the tow truck, brought dinner and a jelly drink for me, all without scolding me. Compared to the poor drivers whose cars were crushed by the tree at Jalan Sultan Ismail today, I think I got away lucky. Thank you, God. (7th May)

11. I finished watching 我的阿勒泰 today. Xinjiang is such a beautiful place. The story is beautiful as well. It's just 8 eps. I will watch it again ❤️ (10th May)

12. I took the lrt to Awan Besar. The trip to Putra heights saw very little passengers. I read Same as Ever by Morgan Housel . The train was moving, I was learning something new and there was nothing much to distract me. It was cooling in the train. It just felt good 😊 (16th June)

13. Today we found 小饱after he has gone missing for 3 days. If it wasn't for Wei, we wouldn't have found him. 我们家葳葳好强呀. I learnt that if the person or pet is important to you, you shouldn't keep complaining about their weakness. Cos when they are gone, you will miss everything about them 😞 (27th June)

14. July was a month of fun activities. We had Team Building at Melaka. It was a short trip, but Janice took us out to eat at the special places only the locals know. This made it memorable. The activity at team building I found fun was passing the balls. It showed me how when the team has unwavering focus of achieving a common goals, the force is formidable. On 26th July, Anne and Ivene arranged for us to visit a durian farm - Eco Valley - with Mr Soh of Setia Media. It was my first time in a durian farm. It was very well maintained. The durian were 😋. As I sat there sipping coconut juice, hearing the water from the stream, I thought I could really get used to it. On the last day of July, I went to 漫云 with BeeLui. It was a private kitchen nestled on a hill in Seremban. The view and air was relaxing, especially on a working Wednesday. It was a great experience. Blessed July!😄

15. Wei wrote a personal note to me. She's so sweet 😍 (25th Sept)

16. SourceCode 2024 happened today after months of preparation. It was the first time I participated in this event. When I saw the videos playing on the giant screen, I was awed. I am lucky to meet great people from the event organiser who were professional and helpful. The team from GroupM was good too🙏🏻 (26th Sept)

17. We took a trip to Ipoh as a family during Deepavali. The trip was mainly trying new places to eat, napping and scrolling our phones. In fact, we only went to 1 tourist spot ie Tasik Cermin. The girls were squabbling as usual. It was still a great way to spend time as a family. Especially for the girls and KC. They hardly see one another for more than an hour during schooling days. I was contented that although we had to put up with the tantrums and quarrels, they did pass after a while. It was a good trip 😊 (29th Oct - 1st Nov)

18. I finished my appointment with Dr Kiran. My iron level has improved. I ate my favourite soft boiled egg and a small iced-Cham. Not crowded at Tong Kee now, still enough audience for people watching. Sunny and airy. This moment is good 😊 (5th Dec)

19. I brought Wei to Klinik Chew for checkup today. Thank God there were no cysts or fibroids and she is not anaemic. Just happy she is fine ☺️ (21st Dec)

20. I met up with Huey Chuen today. This is our first meeting after leaving SMKA / High School 27years ago. It was a very fruitful meetup 🥰. (25th Dec)

Books I enjoyed in 2024

1. Edible Economics - The World in 17 Dishes

2. 不便利的便利店2

3. 在树下传达神谕的猫🐱

4. 嗨，北京

5. 太白金星有点烦

6. 长安的荔枝

7. Same as ever

8. 在忘却温柔之前

9. 蛤蟆先生去看心理医生

10. 靠近你的不是人，是爱情啊

11. Love, Money and Parenting

12. Hidden Potential 

13. The Good Life

14. 餐桌上的文化课 - 南米北面

Control

After reading I May Be Wrong by Bjorn Nattiko Lindebled, I realised I wanted a lot of control in my life.

I have always thought it's people like my mother who was controlling. They fear if things are out of their control. That's why they developed gallbladder stones.

Or so I thought.

I know for a fact that my mind is always rehearsing, playing over conversations which are likely to happen, how I will reply (wisely), how I will get back at those who are hurting me (mostly my husband). All these to prepare myself of the possibilities that may happen, so that I am somewhat prepared. 

I am also criticizing, judging other people's words, actions. How shallow they were, how they should have behaved differently, how I would behave differently if I was in the same situation. 

Always in a defensive mode. Always trying the best to protect myself against ALL unknown. 

I wanted so much control that it took over me completely. I didnt trust anyone fully, not even my husband. I am always imagining the worst scenario, what could happen, how I would react etc, because this made me feel safe.

I was feeling anxious, worried, panicking so that I can be at ease. What a great irony. 

That's how I have been coping.

It is tiring and my emotions are influenced by the action of others 

Your thoughts are not you - another thing I learned from the book.   

44 today

I am 44 years old today.

Gosh I made it this far, this is the first time I feel it's an achievement.

Am I wiser than I was a year ago. Well, I am not sure. But there are certain difficulties I feel that I am more used to them now. 

Happy birthday, Me. 

I learnt this in 2023

 1. Time with people isn't time spent - it's time invested. From the people pleaser book. (January) 

2. Goodness and compassion are far more important than thinking one is right and defending that (March)

3. Arriving at meaningful solutions is an inevitably slow and difficult process. Nonetheless what I saw was : better is possible. It does not take genius. It takes diligence. It takes moral clarity. It takes ingenuity. And above all, it takes a willingness to try. (August - Atul Gwande : Better)

Joys of 2023

 1. I saw little shoots finally appearing on my mango tree. I thought I had killed the tree by cutting off the branches in Dec. Thank God it is slowly growing back. The little shoots are so cute😍 (7th Jan)

2. I took Rowie to the dentist today. Before this I looked at her tooth and thought the only way to salvage it is to extract it. I prayed so hard that everything will turn out ok. It did. The young dentist managed to fill the big hole up. 3 fillings within an hour and it was over. No drama. Thank God. Phew 😇 (15th Jan)

3. I came to klcc with KC this morning. He has to attend meetings. Shops are still closed now. I sat on bench overlooking the giant gold coin rabbit in klcc park. Nice weather. No crowd. Birds chirping. Relaxing. ☺️ (20th Jan)

4. My calligraphy teacher let me write 8 characters. I started with 2 characters in June 2022. Then I moved on to 4 characters. Only my seniors were writing the 8 characters. They have been learning from my teacher for years. I have only been learning for less than a year. A big sense of achievement 😍💪 (4th Feb)

5. I spent 2 hours alone in Tsutaya Pavilion Bukit Jalil. Had matcha lemonade and classic dorayaki. Had a relaxing time, finally got to browse properly. Reminds me why I love books and bookshops 😍 (5th Feb)

6. My breast ultrasound came out normal. The lesion is still the same size. I had lunch at Sushido, alone. It was relaxing to sit alone facing the sushi conveyor belt, enjoying your food. The crew preparing the food seemed to enjoy working there. They sounded happy. Struck me that it’s nice to be in a place where the people working there were happy. Will try to lunch alone there again (10th Feb)

7. When I passed by the little garden on the road behind my house, I finally met the man who planted everything there. There were many types of vegetables. The kind uncle even gave me seeds of 4 angle beans and local 山药. 💐😇 (10th Feb) 

8. I was in 擎天冈，walking along the vast grassland. The setting was like something out of Lord of the Rings. It was just 6degrees, it was extra chilly with the wind. Still I love it there. Walking alone in the cold. ❄️ Thankfully my husband could stay with the kids. I didn't walk to the top. Save it for the next trip. (20th Feb)

9. When Wei and I walked into the grand hall of 天元宫，I told her she needed to pray. So she pressed her hands together and said: Sejarah pass🙏. (20th Feb)

10. I took half day leave today. Had birthday lunch with BeeLui at One Utama. After that I took the mrt down to Bukit Bintang. Walking in Bukit Bintang always makes me feel vibrant. Lotsa young people, tourists. Spent a few hours in Eslite, slowly going through the shelves. Bought a book by 青山美智子. Maybe it's the brighter lighting, I enjoyed walking at Eslite more than Tsutaya. Nice afternoon. (21st March)

11. First day of Ramadan. Even though it started to drizzle, it was not enough to stop me from going to the bazaar. The number of stalls in Setia Alam seems to be more than last year, but the overall space allocated to the bazaar seems smaller. More stalls will come in tomorrow, I told myself. There was even Nasi Rahmah sold at the bazaar, just RM5, like Menu Rahmah. I was happy I made it in time to get ondeh ondeh from legend melaka. They were there like last year. I bought tepung pelita, tauhu begedil, the spicy egg kuih, sirap bandung cincau and ondeh ondeh for the girls. If life was a bitch, all bitchiness can be cured with the sweetness of tepung pelita💕 (23rd March)

12. I claimed 4 pints of free ice cream. 2 from the ice cream bar and 2 from inside scoop. All from answering their surveys. (8th April) 

13. Rowanne bought a sticker pack for Reiley today. It costs RM5. This is the first time she has ever bought something for her sister. So sweet 💕 (13th June)

14. Reiley wanted me to pick her up from school today. Traffic was bad due to the rain. I chided myself for giving in to Reiley's request, yet again. I was warmly surprised by the great smile she had as she was running towards me when I finally arrived. It was as if she was 3 years old again. So cute. 💕 (1st August)

15. Today I met my ex MH client - Pete. He was going to the Talentcorp office at Surian Tower. I was on the way to feed birds with expired Gardenia bread. We headed to Coffee Bean for a good 45minute chat. He bought me apple juice while having cappuccino and muffin. We talked about general stuff. He has always been an interesting character. He was wearing 2 watches, one on each hand, to test which is more accurate. Great to see him again 😊 (23rd August)

16. I drove to office today. It was at the first toll that I realized I left my Touch n Go card at home. I was panicking. I had to reserve and go to the last lane to pay cash. And there was another toll to go. After I passed the second toll, I was so frustrated at my myself that I growled in the car. I still had to figure out how to get home later. Iny moment of frustration, a red car with the number plate xxx721 moved in front of me. I was instantly touched. It's the sign. God was telling me it's ok. He was there with me. I nearly cried. Luckily I managed to get a new card at PETRONAS near my office. 🥰 (2nd Oct)

17. I wanted to fry an egg tonight, but it rolled down and broke on the floor. Reiley helped me to clean it up. She comforted me by saying : 不要不开心，那粒蛋本来就是要破的，只是它早一点破了。 what a philosophical way of looking at it. My baby so smart 🥰 (3rd Oct)

18. GroupM Nexus had teambuilding in Port Dickson for 2 days. I went with no expectations. It was great fun! I did kayaking in the swimming pool as part of the race event. It was hard trying to manage the kayak together with my partner, but it was great fun! Ego was set aside and our team focused on getting the tasks done. Good experience and great teamwork. My roommate didn't turn up and I had the room and toilet to myself. 🥰 (15th - 16th Oct)

19. I was driving home from office after 6.30pm. when I was on my favourite stretch of DASH, suddenly the street lights were lighted in an instant. It was like a switch was flipped and suddenly the highway was all warm and nice. WOW. 🥰 (7th Dec)

Books I enjoyed in 2023

1. 转学生的恶作剧

2. The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse

3. I maybe wrong 

4. 您好，欢迎光临，逛商店街

5. 北投机车快递

6. 木曜日适合来杯可可亚

7. 神明值日生执勤中

8. 别生气啦

9. 老公使用说明书

10. 不便利的便利店

11. 打架的艺术

12. Better 

13. 先陪伴, 再教养

14. 与凤行

15. 揚子堂糕饼铺

16. Ego is the enemy

17. Mona Lisa and the others (from the Lourve)

18. Meet the Architect! Frank Lloyd Wright

19. Can't we just print more money

Dec 2022

 Things I am glad I did in Dec holidays this year :

1. Sending the Christmas Card to Grandma Disa - Finally, after 2 years

2. Purchased new dining tables and chair and sideboard

3. Watched Silent the Japanese drama - My Christmas present

4. Spent one day with Pei Lee just chillin at Starhill 

5. Gave the books to Book Exchage after compiling them since October

6. Gave away the breadmaker