Today my sister asked me for a screenshot of my digital cert.
I said no.
I feel it's not right.
After the realization yesterday, I feel I shouldn't jump in to help whenever my sister is in distress.
I think I am tired of helping. Tired of always getting worried, being anxious.
I realise everytime my sister or brother are in distress or sad or stress, my mother will fly in to help. She can't stand them crying or sad or stressed.
Maybe she loves them too much, all hurt and fall need to be soothed immediately.
I think I am influenced by her.
So everytime my sister having an emotional meltdown, I will try my best to help soothe her immediately. I get anxious whenever she is in distress.
But c'mon.
How much can you help? How long can you help?
One must be allowed to fall, to hurt and to feel.
One must be allowed to take responsibilities for one's action. To learn and grow.
This is life.
1. My sister is in distress emotionally and financially. I can only give up to certain amount of money. I can't help her forever.
2. I have no goals set for 2021 for my job. I dunno what to tell my boss during mid year review.
3. I feel stuck at my job. My work can be done by an exec. I feel ashamed that younger people are at the same or higher level than me.
4. I think I am underpaid but I dunno how to demand more.
5. I have the imposter syndrome.
6. My younger daughter refuses to do homework and needs constant monitoring to go for online classes.
I didnt sleep well last night becos of coffee and the cats wanting to get into our room.
I received messages from my sister and friend-Anne in the morning which brought bad news.
I could feel the anxiety rising in me. As usual, when it comes to my sister. My stomach churned. And I had to go to the toilet. As usual.
Besides my sister's problem with her boyfriend, I am worried that my sister will be willing to take the vaccination because my mother offer to give her RM1k. Despite having strong convictions that the vaccination is a hoax, she is now willing to do it for money. I feel scared that what she resort to in future to get money. I pray that she will maintain her limits when it comes to safety and dignity.
She said she plans to stay in a hotel tonight to avoid seeing her boyfriend.
Under the current circumstances, it will be good for her to move out. She has been under a lot of stress and verbal abuse for a very long time.
She said her boyfriend has not been this angry before. To me, it's the same situation as before.
I cant concentrate much on work because of the anxiety.
I can only keep on praying.
I feel calmer after writing this down.
对自己最不负责任的方式就是把自己的快乐和幸福交给别人。
我家人开心·我就开心
我心爱的人满足我就满足
那这不是你的人生。
你总该有些自己喜欢的东西，讨厌的人，不愿意做的事, 想去的地方。。。
我妈现在生活没有盼头，整天担心我爸和妹妹。
可是我爸和妹妹却还是自己过的好好的，我妈的担心改变不了他们。
我妈的焦旅只是为自己徒增烦恼而已。
还影响了我。
我想要对自己有信心吧，就算是在最坏的情况，也要相信自己撑得过去。
可能有些人要求完美，是因为那让他感到安全。事完美了，就在掌控之中，不会被变化影响。
这是信心和安全感的问题。
一个人随性，不要求完美，不控制，因为有信心，就算事情遭遇变化，水来土掩，兵来将挡。
好自由。
