Day 07 - What do I actually want?

 I want to know how I can work in Beijing or Shanghai for a year.

At the age of 42, am I too old to be hired?

Day 06 - What do I actually want?

 I want to stop caring so much about everything. 

I want to be strong and cool enough to say - when things dont go my way - it's ok. Perfectly ok.

我想对我妈说

 Mi, 你就不要一直抱怨了好吗？

结婚四十多年，Pa没有吃喝嫖赌，没有外遇，还包办家务。

你们是沟通上的问题，话总没好好说，积在心里这么旧，怨恨早就修炼成妖魔鬼怪。

Pa不谅解你的苦心，你可能也谬视了他的忍耐。

说到底，大家还是善良的人，话说开了就好了。就算还是看对方很不爽，至少憋在心里的委屈会少一点。

今世缘，今世消。今世怨，更要一笔勾销。

来世有缘。。可能你们都希望来世别再遇上了，哈哈 :)

Day 05 - What do I actually want?

 1. I want to have a mentor who can guide me how to be a mum and woman comfortable in her own skin.

Yesterday I wrote :

1. I want to have a peace of mind - not having to worry about my family anymore

2. I want to go to a scenic, quiet place where the people are kind and warm.

3. I want to be stronger inside. Not easily triggered by people and issues.

- these 3 seems to indicate that I want to die and go to heaven.. hahhahahaha

Previously I wrote :

1. I want to go to Japan with my hubby and daughters. Tokyo disneyland is the top priority.

2. I want to work and stay in Beijing or Shanghai for 1 year.

3. I want to redecorate my living room - need to work on specifics for this

4. I want to clean out punishment room - need to work on specifics for this

5. I want to drink 2L of water i.e 10 cups or 2 jugs everyday, 1 jug from 8am - 12noon, 1 jug from 12noon - 5pm

6. I want to go to bed by 11pm every night. 

7. I will save up RM2.5k each month - excluding Manulife for the girls - so that my savings can reach RM100k by December 2021.

Day 04 - What do I actually want?

 Putting the realistic things aside,

1. I want to have a peace of mind - not having to worry about my family anymore

2. I want to go to a scenic, quiet place where the people are kind and warm.

3. I want to be stronger inside. Not easily triggered by people and issues.

Day 03 - What do I actually want?

More specifics today :

1. I want to go to Japan with my hubby and daughters. Tokyo disneyland is the top priority.

2. I want to work and stay in Beijing or Shanghai for 1 year.

3. I want to redecorate my living room - need to work on specifics for this

4. I want to clean out punishment room - need to work on specifics for this

5. I want to drink 2L of water i.e 10 cups or 2 jugs everyday, 1 jug from 8am - 12noon, 1 jug from 12noon - 5pm

6. I want to go to bed at 11pm every night. 

7. I will save up RM2.5k each month - excluding Manulife for the girls - so that my savings can reach RM100k by December 2021.

Day 02 - What do I actually want?

 Let's look back at what I wrote yesterday first.

1. I want to go to Japan - STILL ON

2. I want my savings to reach RM100k by December 2021. - STILL ON

3. I want to redecorate my living room. - STILL ON

4. I want to clean up Punishment Room. - STILL ON

5. I want to live and work in a different country for a year. - STILL ON

6. I want to drink 2liters of water everyday.- STILL ON

7. I want to sleep at least 7 hours everyday. - STILL ON

Today I will work on the specifics of item 6. I will measure how much is 1 cup of water and how many cups is required. Then I decide how many cups in the morning, afternoon and evening.

Day 01 - What do I actually want?

 I am setting this challenge for myself. I will write on the same topic : What do I actually want - for 21 days. 

1. I want to go to Japan

2. I want my savings to reach RM100k by December 2021. 

3. I want to redecorate my living room.

4. I want to clean up Punishment Room. 

5. I want to live and work in a different country for a year. 

6. I want to drink 2liters of water everyday.

7. I want to sleep at least 7 hours everyday.

Top 10 Desired List

This is what I wrote in October  2020 :

 1. My sister marries a man who truly loves her and respects her.

2. Be in an animated movie as voice-over with Jack Black.

3. Be an international speaker.

4. Go to Japan each year during Spring or Autumn.

5. Attend the Akita Program For Foreigners in Autumn.

6. Spend 1 year staying and working in Beijing.

7. Have a house with kitchen overlooking my beautiful garden.

8. Be part of the ensemble of String.

9. Maintain the habit of swimming x3 a week.

10. Wirte a story about 好命姨

Pleasing my mother

 Tonight my mother called to complain about my father. Yet again. 

I have long suspected that my father is showing signs of alzheimer. I am not surprised by his behavior. 

I am stressed because I have always want to make my mother happy. Any signs of distress, anxiety or sadness from her caused me to feel the same. I can't cope when she has other emotions apart from anger and joy. 

My mum is just being human. She is scared and frustrated and sad seeing the deterioration of her life partner of more than 40 years. Despair that she cant do anything to stop it. She is not ready for the change, but change has started regardless.

My dad. Well, it's part of life. You grow up, grow old, become ill and eventually die. 

Like what my mum claimed : we just have to face it.